I get asked this a little too frequently... from lantiis's blog

What are you diagnosed with?

Not a very proper or pleasant question to have asked - it's like asking, "What's wrong with you?" It is just rude... And it isn't something I talk about much with people I don't know very well - and the people I know well don't ever ask ironically... But I will happily display my wares for you wandering folks who happen to pass by wondering what the heck I am always going on about or why I suddenly just mood or emotion or snap...


A diagnosis of any of these things makes life super difficult but can be overcome (mental or physical). I am not on disability - though this is through being properly medicated and staying ON my meds (going off my meds creates a whole new Liz/Lantiis that this world is just not prepared for!)...


Mental Health Diagnoses

Bipolar I Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder with Cluster B Traits

Delusional Disorder

Mood Disorder

Anxiety Disorder (with Panic Attacks)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (list-writing)

Suicidal Thoughts

PTSD


Physical Health Diagnoses

Irritable Bowel Syndrome: Diarrhea (IBS-D)

Menstrual Migraines

Left Knee Bursitis and Tendinitis

Polymorphous Light Eruption (PMLE)

I also have an un-diagnosed movement disorder (rocking)


How do you do it?

I cry a lot... Seriously, but I am also holding down a job via an employer who is super helpful and empathetic to my medical issues. I have a very strong online support system, and over the years, my local support system has grown as well (a support system is super important for mental health!). I take my meds as directed by my doctor - and I participate in therapy (all in or nothing - because you get back what you put into it!).


I hyper focus on family: my child, my parents, and my amazing friends who are as important to me as family, and I cling to them as a lifeline. I also make time to involve myself in activities that keep me calm and generally happy. For me these are doing digital and traditional art, puzzles with my child, cleaning everything, arranging and rearranging the house, going out walking with my kid and our dog, doing guided meditations, etc.


I listen too - not always easy and sometimes I just shut down or have such brainfog I don't hear or can't remember, but I sure try! It takes a lot out of me to listen when I've been triggered, so perhaps don't trigger me and then expect me to be reasonable and listen to you...


That's another thing: KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS. I can't possibly list all mine, but a few bigger triggers I don't mind sharing for me are:


1. loud or sudden noises (or sneaking up on me - not funny!)

2. intense flashes of light (night driving is super hard!)

3. grabbing any part of me without notice

4. crowds of people / white noise

5. being in the pitch dark (like zero light)

6. saying/texting anything that makes me relive or flash to a trigger memory


Most times when I am triggered, I end up with a panic attack. The severity depends on lots of factors. With practice, I can usually keep the worst at bay through breathing exercises and grounding. If I can't, well sometimes I just black out - literally and figuratively. I lose a lot of what led up to a panic attack and the attack itself - have very little memory of it if it gets too bad. And then sometimes I physically black out for a minute or more. Always fun to crumple to the ground because come hell or high water, nobody ever catches you >.<


Well that is it.

I hope it was a little bit informative - a small window into my world. Maybe, dare I hope, a little helpful. And I know that all looks overwhelming tho you have to understand in mental health, you rarely have just one disorder - they kinda crossover and come in packs like herds of assholes...


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By lantiis
Added Sep 15

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